Someone chose for me. Someone hurt them all and take me far away where I don't have to know I couldn't keep everyone happy. I hate myself for allowing it to happen; allowing it to happen so many times... So would someone make the decision for me? would someone take the burden? I can't stand to see either with another. I can't stand to be without both for more than a month or so. I can't stand to see them hurt. I can't take both. That's just cruel. I've dragged them along behind me for over a year by threads thinner than a hair.
Do I cut my loses and stay with one? And if I did would they understand if it gets hard for me after a few weeks go by and something re-agitates my feelings for the other? I don't want to pick. And if so which one? The one I feel closest to even when I'm mad? Or the one that can always make me feel better? The one who's gentle, silent, and kind; or the one that is thoughtful, understanding and supportive? And it's not like one or the other is lacking any of the traits the other has its just to a different magnitude. They are much alike but they don't know it and wouldn't like to admit it...
But then theres the option to leave; to go find someone else and just suffer as they both move on without me, because neither would come back if I let them go. Obviously neither one loves me as much as I love them both... And I don't blame them. What is there to love? A hurtful, harmful, lying, deceitful, arrogant, selfish, jealous, lustful, being that would starve to death for pride, and is currently dangerously close to drowning in his own sorrows...
It frustrates me to no end.
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